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The Most Destructive Negative Influence Of All

The Most Destructive Negative Influence Of All
By Joe Love

Anger is the most destructive force in relationships. It destroys your personal happiness. Anger not only takes your life out but it also takes the life out the person you are angry with as well.

There is rarely any redeeming value in anger. It is nearly always destructive because it drives other people away from you. When you're angry it lowers your self-esteem and it lowers the self esteem of the person you are angry with. Anger causes you to act foolishly because it distorts your vision. It's like driving through a rainstorm without windshield wipers.

In order to reduce anger, you first have to understand that anger is not a primary emotion rather it is a secondary emotion that is caused by one or a combination of three primary emotions:

1. Unresolved hurt.

2. Unresolved frustration.

3. Unresolved fear.

These three emotions in turn are caused by your own unfulfilled expectations. You expect that other people will do things such as give you respect, value and appreciation. So, when other people don't fulfill those expectations or they do something that runs contrary to your expectations it creates hurt, frustration or fear. In return if it's not dealt with right away or goes unresolved it results in anger which begins to build. You then end up expressing your anger like an explosive force or you bury it or hide it and keep it to yourself. Either way it is destructive

When you bury anger or keep it to yourself it begins to eat you alive inside. It creates bitterness and resentment. You begin to find yourself puling away from the person whom you're angry with.

On the other hand, if you blow-up and express your anger, then, you tend to say and do things that you'll later regret. You end up diminishing the value and worth of the other person which usually causes that person to pull out of the relationship.

If there's a lot of conflict in your life or you've got a lot conflict in relationships, it may not be the other person, it may be with you. It may be that you've got stored up anger inside of you that is unresolved. Then, when you get around other people it just expresses itself in ways that make other people want to get into fights or argue with you.

Here are seven steps that will help you remove unresolved anger from your own heart.

1. Write down what you're angry about. When you're angry your mind tends to blow things out of proportion. The act of writing out what you're angry about allows you to see things in their proper perspective. Define what you're angry about: What did the person do? What did it really take away from you?

2. Allow yourself time to understand your anger. By not reacting quickly and taking time it allows you to see things about the other person or relationship that have been positive. Giving yourself time to contemplate enables you to cope with unresolved hurt and anger.

3. Try to gain an understanding about the person your angry with. Find out and understand why they do things that anger or hurt you. The other person may not be doing it on purpose. It might be something that goes back to the person's childhood and they may think that what they're doing it normal. When you gain a clear understanding about the other person you will defuse your anger and take the sting out of your hurt.

4. Look for the good in the situation. Look for the good things in you, the other person and from the situation. One thing is forgiveness. This is one of the greatest attributes any person can have, you can't have forgiveness without having an offense committed against you. Since your mind can only hold one thought at a time, you cannot be angry and have forgiveness at the same time.

5. Write out a letter to the person you are angry with. Make the letter very personal and express your emotions as to how you were hurt and what you lost because of what the other person did. There's a tremendous release in doing this. All the negative feelings go out from your heart, through your hand, out to you pen and onto the paper. Think long and hard before you send it. Most of the time there is no need to send it, because the very act or writing the letter usually will release your anger and hurt.

6. Release the person you're angry with from past hurt or future expectations. It's your expectations that make it possible for others to offend you. So if you really want to be free of anger you have to learn to release people from your expectations.

7. When possible reach out to the person who had angered or hurt you in person. If you can do this, never do it with the hope of changing the other person, because that creates all new expectations. Rather, reach out to help the person change for their benefit, not yours.

Nature is on your side. Nature wants you to be happy, healthy, prosperous, and fulfilled. Your destiny is to experience joy, harmony, love, and the greatest of blessings, peace of mind. When you give up your negative emotions, learn to forgive and release others from future expectations, you will change your life.

Copyright©2008 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and success coaching programs. He is the founder and CEO of JLM & Associates, a consulting and training organization, specializing in career coach training. Through his seminars and lectures, Joe Love addresses thousands of men and women each year, including the executives and staffs of many businesses around the world, on the subjects of leadership, achievement, goals, strategic business planning, and marketing. Joe is the author of three books, Starting Your Own Business, Finding Your Purpose In Life, and The Guerrilla Marketing Workbook.

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Anger Management - Are You Coping with Anger Appropriately?

Anger Management - Are You Coping with Anger Appropriately?
By Pierre Amyotte

Once you realize that anger is part of everyone's life, you'll get a better understanding of how to deal with it with regards to yourself and others.

Anger is an emotion, a very strong emotion. In fact, true anger is not something that you can control as you want. Becoming angry and losing your temper means that you lose control of yourself at the same time.

Unfortunately, in turn, this means that you temporarily lose control of your emotions, your reasoning abilities and your thoughts and deeds.

Although anger can make you feel strong and in control, it does just the opposite. Instead, you are left vulnerable and weak, open for everyone to see just what makes you tick and trigger out.

Anger also causes physical effects. The most common sign of anger is high blood pressure. In some cases, people are prone to becoming breathless, giddy or even tearful.

Whenever you feel the need to unload the anger that you are carrying around with you, it's probably not the best idea to spill your guts to anybody and everyone. There is no need to tell anyone specific details of why you are in a bad mood. Since people don't always behave the way you would like them to, we have a few suggestions on how to handle confrontations in the workplace or out in public.

Try one or both of these options:

1) Humor is always a good way to release tension. Sarcasm, on the other hand, should not be used.

2) Know your triggers. If a conversation is centered around a topic that is overwhelming you, simply excuse yourself. By walking away, you are stepping back from a potentially dangerous situation.

With helpful information and tips, you can assess unpleasant situations and learn to manage your anger. You will feel better about yourself and your friends and family will thank you for it.

To learn the simple secrets to assessing unpleasant situations and coping with your anger, visit http://www.angermanagement.healthehelp.com where you'll find everything you need to know about anger management, including self help, anger courses, and much more!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pierre_Amyotte
http://EzineArticles.com/?Anger-Management---Are-You-Coping-with-Anger-Appropriately?&id=1090151

Processing Anger - How to Effectively Control Your Emotions

Processing Anger - How to Effectively Control Your Emotions
By Jamie Marks

Anger is something that everyone has experienced from time to time at home, work, or anywhere else. Most people that experience it can process it appropriately, deal with the root cause and move on.

However, there are those who are unable to effectively process their anger leading to a loss of control.

These problems may seem insignificant and can be blamed on a stressful day at work or an inconsiderate driver. However if untreated anger problems can erupt into serious outbreaks of misplaced violence costing a person their job, loved ones, or even their freedom.

One common anger management tactic that has been thought to be effective is venting. Any kind of healthy cathartic expression of your feelings was thought to alleviate the burden of walking around with angry thoughts.

However, recent studies have shown that there is no evidence that venting works as an anger managing strategy. In fact in some cases it can be counterproductive and result in more angry behavior. Venting may appear to work but it only acts as a short term Band-Aid for a much more far reaching problem. One of the problems with venting is that it allows you to maintain your state of arousal when you should be trying to curb it.

There are a few things that you can force yourself to do to avoid an anger outburst. Although, your long term goal should be to treat the root cause of your inability to effectively process anger. Even though these tips may help you may need some form of therapy to treat the root cause of your anger issues.

Here are some things that you can do to alleviate your angry feelings. A simple thing to do is to take some deep breaths and slowly count to ten. If you can you can put on some good relaxing music and try to put yourself in a better mood. This is easily done in the car and a good strategy for people who have road rage.

You want to focus on the things that you are grateful for in your life, in addition if you are able to then calling a friend, family member, or your children is recommended. This takes your mind of the negative angry feelings and forces you to be put in a better frame of mind.

Other simple strategies include removing yourself from the situation like a time out, where you can relax, stretch, and move around. Ultimately you want to realize that you have full control over the situation and how you respond to it. A great tip is to reframe how you've been seeing the situation; a lighter perspective can alleviate feelings of rage and anger.

These tips should be used when you feel an anger outbreak building to control the situation and save you from doing regrettable acts. They will not treat your anger problem but only help you manage it. If your anger processing problems have led to outbreaks of violence then you should seek professional help.

Jamie Marks is a senior editor and weekly contributor at a popular Work at Home Opportunities website. For more information read about Home Rebate Processor and Rebate Processing Jobs.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jamie_Marks
http://EzineArticles.com/?Processing-Anger---How-to-Effectively-Control-Your-Emotions&id=1100220

Motivational Story - How To Control Your Anger and Hatred

Motivational Story - How To Control Your Anger and Hatred
By Suhardi Csd Hardi

One day, a young and pretty princess was playing with her golden ball. But the ball rolled over and drowned into a pool. He could not see the ball because the pool was quite deep and also she was not able to swim. She was so sad. Then suddenly a frog showed up and jumped in front of her. The frog asked, "Hi, pretty girl, why are you crying? What happens? Can I give help?" Then the princess sadly answered, "My golden ball has drowned into this pool, but I cannot take it back. Can you take it for me? If you can get my ball back, I promise to give whatever you desire because I am a princess, my father is an emperor."

The frog was excited because of knowing that she was a princess. Then the frog quickly said, "OK. My wish is very simple. I just want to stay in your palace and you have to treat me well. Do you agree with the deal?" She thought for a moment. She then nodded her head and told the frog, "OK. I agree." They finally made that agreement. The frog jumped and dived into the pool to find the ball and the princess was waiting for it. After several minutes, the frog emerged on the surface with the ball in its hand. The princess was so cheerful and thanked to the frog.

She then suddenly remembered what she had promised to the frog before. She should bring the frog home. Actually, she did not want the frog stayed in her palace. So she planned to run away immediately. She ran as fast as she can so the frog could not chase her. She thought that she had successfully cheated the frog. But how surprised she was when she saw the frog in front of the gate of the palace. She did not know how the frog could be there so fast. The frog said, "Do not forget your promise!" There was no choice for her except let it stayed in her palace.

The frog was so happy with the new life because it could eat delicious meal and could sleep in a soft and comfortable bed. The frog felt like a prince. But the princess disliked it so much. Her heart was full with hatred to remove the frog from her life. She scolded it many times. When the frog was eating, she angrily dropped the food on the floor. She growled and told the frog, "You did not deserve to eat the food and stayed in this place. Your place is in the pool." She was so fierce. She did not care about the agreement she promised. She wanted to break it. No days without her anger to the frog. Until one day, she was at the peak of her anger and hatred. She grabbed the frog and slammed it with full power to the floor.

And suddenly the frog magically turned into thick smoke and a very handsome and gallant prince stood in the middle of the smoke. The princess was both shocked and happy because he was so handsome. She was fascinated. She was in love at the first sight. The prince told her, "I am sorry because I lie to you. I am a prince of another kingdom. A cruel witch used her magic and turned me into a frog. But the magic has been lost because you threw me into the floor. Thanks a lot. Now I have to go back to my palace. Goodbye and take care." But the princess said, "Don't. Please do not go. I want you to stay here. I feel that I am in love with you now." Then the prince laughed and said, "No, princess. When I was a frog, I have known your real behavior. You are so fierce, your heart is full of hatred and anger, you have bad temperament and do not keep your promise. I do not like it so much. Goodbye." Then the prince walked out of her palace.

Message for readers:

According to Joe Girard, A person recognizes approximately 250 people. They can be his relatives, family, friends and other people. When you are angry with someone and hate them, you have hated other 250 people. Why? Because, if you hate and angry with one person, he will tell to other 250 people he knows. Think about this dangerous effect by just hating and being angry with one person. What if you do this to 10 persons? It means that you will spread your hatred and anger to about 2500 persons. They will know your bad behavior. They will talk from mouth to mouth and it surely creates snow-ball effect that will be bigger and bigger when it rolls. Otherwise, when a person knows that you are so kind, helpful and have positive yet good behavior, you have spread your good behavior to other 250 persons.

When you are angry, you indirectly create hostility to the person you are angry with. Nelson Mandela said that the hostility is like poison being drunk by someone and hope the death of his enemy because of the poison. Hatred and anger will endanger you and other people if you do not stop them. Do you know that when you smile, you just move about 13 muscles of your face, but when you are angry and frown, you have to move more than 110 muscles of your face.

Here is helpful tip that can stop or control your anger. When you get yourself in a situation that you cannot stop your anger or if you are about to deliver your anger to someone, immediately tell yourself, "If I am angry, I will make more 250 people angry with me." or "I will create more hostility with 250 people he knows. I will have bad image that can harm me back."

You can also smile with people you meet. It will make you happier. You will make more friendship with people around you. What a beautiful world if anger and hatred do not exist.

If you enjoy this article, find more excellent motivational articles and don't miss information at Daily Motivation

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Suhardi_Csd_Hardi
http://EzineArticles.com/?Motivational-Story---How-To-Control-Your-Anger-and-Hatred&id=1092164

Processing Anger - How to Effectively Control Your Emotions

Processing Anger - How to Effectively Control Your Emotions
By Jamie Marks

Anger is something that everyone has experienced from time to time at home, work, or anywhere else. Most people that experience it can process it appropriately, deal with the root cause and move on.

However, there are those who are unable to effectively process their anger leading to a loss of control.

These problems may seem insignificant and can be blamed on a stressful day at work or an inconsiderate driver. However if untreated anger problems can erupt into serious outbreaks of misplaced violence costing a person their job, loved ones, or even their freedom.

One common anger management tactic that has been thought to be effective is venting. Any kind of healthy cathartic expression of your feelings was thought to alleviate the burden of walking around with angry thoughts.

However, recent studies have shown that there is no evidence that venting works as an anger managing strategy. In fact in some cases it can be counterproductive and result in more angry behavior. Venting may appear to work but it only acts as a short term Band-Aid for a much more far reaching problem. One of the problems with venting is that it allows you to maintain your state of arousal when you should be trying to curb it.

There are a few things that you can force yourself to do to avoid an anger outburst. Although, your long term goal should be to treat the root cause of your inability to effectively process anger. Even though these tips may help you may need some form of therapy to treat the root cause of your anger issues.

Here are some things that you can do to alleviate your angry feelings. A simple thing to do is to take some deep breaths and slowly count to ten. If you can you can put on some good relaxing music and try to put yourself in a better mood. This is easily done in the car and a good strategy for people who have road rage.

You want to focus on the things that you are grateful for in your life, in addition if you are able to then calling a friend, family member, or your children is recommended. This takes your mind of the negative angry feelings and forces you to be put in a better frame of mind.

Other simple strategies include removing yourself from the situation like a time out, where you can relax, stretch, and move around. Ultimately you want to realize that you have full control over the situation and how you respond to it. A great tip is to reframe how you've been seeing the situation; a lighter perspective can alleviate feelings of rage and anger.

These tips should be used when you feel an anger outbreak building to control the situation and save you from doing regrettable acts. They will not treat your anger problem but only help you manage it. If your anger processing problems have led to outbreaks of violence then you should seek professional help.

Jamie Marks is a senior editor and weekly contributor at a popular Work at Home Opportunities website. For more information read about Home Rebate Processor and Rebate Processing Jobs.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jamie_Marks
http://EzineArticles.com/?Processing-Anger---How-to-Effectively-Control-Your-Emotions&id=1100220

The Dangers and Expressions of Anger

The Dangers and Expressions of Anger
By Victor Epand

At a Christmas party, a provoked brother stabbed his junior one to death. He was arrested, tried and sentenced to life imprisonment for manslaughter. In the prison, he regrets his erratic behavior due to anger. The family is grieving for the double tragedy that struck the family.

The modern media with its vivid depiction of violence portrays anger as a heroic quality, as the quintessential psyche of the macho man. But is it really? Most people recognize that in real life anger is not a pleasant emotion, yet they savor the violent scenes in the movies. And then, strangely enough, they wonder why they themselves, in fits of anger, speak such words and do such deeds which break the hearts of their loved ones and which they themselves bitterly regret later.

Anger breaks hearts and wrecks homes. When enslaved by anger, people violently attack, wound and kill others ' sometimes their loved ones. Violent heroism in the media thus breeds violent crime in society. Anger is also a known cause of a large variety of ailments ranging from high blood pressure to heart attacks. Anger can lead to all forms of conflicts ranging from petty quarrels to world wars.

Moreover depression, a rampant modern mental health challenge, originates in anger. When one is unable to vent out anger on the perceived cause of frustration, one vents it out on oneself by going into a self-pity and self-martyrdom mentality, which is typical of depression.

Thus anger destroys reputations, careers, families and lives. No wonder the Bhagavad-gita (16.21) describes anger as "one of the gates that leads hell."

The Bhagavad-gita (2.62) describes the psychological genesis of anger. When our desires, plans and expectations for control and enjoyment are thwarted, the resentment and frustration expresses itself through harsh words and / or violent actions.

One tries to satisfy his lust, and when he cannot, anger and greed arise. A sane man who does not want to glide down to the degraded species of life must try to give up the three enemies, lust, greed and anger, which can kill the self to such an extent that there will be no possibility of liberation from this material entanglement.

How can we deal with anger? Thomas Jefferson suggests, "When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, count hundred." Consciously delaying action is useful in checking angry outbursts. It said that one should not speak when one is angry, one should also immediately drink a glass of water.

Anger, being fiery, can be cooled by a sip of water. And a spiritual transmutation of our emotions can completely uproot anger. We are all souls, spiritual and eternal children of God. Our heart finds fulfillment only when we make God our first love in life and we can at once be free from contamination of this terrible of sin and constant disagreement, and gradually rise to the state of transcendence and go back to Godhead.

By the process of calling on the holy names and also propagating the chanting of the holy names of the Lord can we be immune from all effects of this dangerous age. Moreover knowledge that no material upheaval or upstart can threaten our inner wealth of devotion gives us an unshakeable inner security, which anger cannot shake. Even before we attain that tranquil state, devotion engenders spiritual maturity and stability within us. Forewarned is forearmed.

Often we indulge in anger because we do not recognize the danger of anger. When we awaken our dormant spiritual devotion by chanting the holy names of God, especially the Hare Krishna maha-mantra, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare, this devotion will make us strong at heart and wise at head.

We develop the discrimination to pre-empt provocative situations, the open-mindedness to see the other person's viewpoint and the assertiveness to present our viewpoint without becoming aggressive. The Vedic scriptures describe the story of an violent sadistic hunter Mrigari who would half-kill animals and enjoy seeing them suffering till death. But when he was enlightened by the great sage Narada Muni and empowered by chanting of the names of Rama, he became so self-controlled that he carefully avoided stepping even on an ant.

Will our world not be a better place if more people were similarly transformed? Charity begins at home. Why not we begin with ourselves? Why not begin this process of transformation today, the sooner the better. Life is short and precious, and more precious if it is used in the service of the Lord. Time and tide waits for no man!

Victor Epand is an expert consultant for Krishna art, religious gifts from India, and Hare Krishna books. You can find the best marketplace for Krishna art, religious gifts from India, and Hare Krishna books at these sites for Krishna art, yoga gifts, controlling anger, and Hare Krishna books.

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Anger Management - Road Rage and Other Negative Effects

Anger Management - Road Rage and Other Negative Effects
By Pierre Amyotte

Road Rage is a big problem in today's society and can only have negative effects if not controlled.

Are you a road demon on the roads?

• Do you leave your anger for the roads?
• Are you a positive road demon who likes to get their way all the time and won't allow anyone else to have the right of way?
• Do you become mad if someone cuts you off or does something they're not supposed to?
• Are you prone to bouts of road rage?

These are all good questions which you might want to think about answering because it could mean that you have a large problem on your hands.

If you give in to your anger while you're still behind the wheel, it's dangerous for everyone. If you allow the person in the hot new convertible that just cut you off to push your buttons and make you mad, you are allowing someone else to dictate and control your life. This is not good.

Remind yourself that getting angry behind the wheel is an automatic, natural response when being cut off, etc. In most cases, your anger quickly fades after your initial rant. During the critical 5 to 7 initial seconds after the "offending" event, use breathing tricks, count to 10, sing, etc. to control your emotions. By trying these simple methods, you can make sure your anger doesn't get out of control.

Is someone else bearing the brunt of your anger?

Are you the type of person to bear your anger in at the time when it happens, and then to come home - or somewhere you feel comfortable - and then take it all out on someone you love?

This kind of anger coping can be very therapeutic, but only if the person who is on the other end taking the brunt of your anger is able to handle it themselves.

If they are feeling misused or maligned for being the target of your undeserved anger, you have to admit that this is probably not the best way to go. Would you like to be set upon by someone when you haven't done anything wrong?

If your outbursts, rages or bullying are negatively affecting relationships with family, friends, co-workers and even complete strangers, it's time to change the way you express your anger.

Just remember, there are varying degrees of anger.

For example, it may upset you that your television remote control doesn't work and you throw it across the room. If that covers the extent of your anger, your anger management issues are minimal and you can easily learn to control your anger.

On the other hand, if you have had altercations with the police, you have physically harmed someone, people around you are afraid of your reactions, or you constantly try to intimidate others with your anger, you can certainly benefit from more extensive anger management.

No matter the degree of anger you face, you can learn how to get a grip on it.

• Think before you speak
• Count to 10
• Just walk away until you have had a chance to think things through.

To learn the simple secrets to managing your anger, visit http://www.angermanagement.healthehelp.com where you'll find everything you need to know about anger self help, anger courses, and much more!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Pierre_Amyotte
http://EzineArticles.com/?Anger-Management---Road-Rage-and-Other-Negative-Effects&id=1094761

Singing in the Rain

Singing in the Rain
By Rick Hurst

One day I was talking to a very enlightened friend who always taught that whatever we hate gets inside us...that whatever we hate becomes apart of us, and begins to grow up in the place where love, peace, joy, patience, tolerance and acceptance of "what is" would otherwise grow. Just then my friends granddaughter came inside from a very warm, beautiful and bright spring day and said "I hate days like this!" My friend said to her "You can't hate the weather...you'll become like it!" as he looked my way with a knowing smile. I added "Yeah, if you hate this weather you might get into a tropical depression". We all had a good laugh but there was serious truth under the jest.

My aunt came in from the misty rain here on Cape Ann this morning. She exclaimed "OH MY GOD!!!...Its Sooooooo damp out there!" I could tell she was really disturbed by with the current weather situation. I said "I hadn't noticed, but it is nearly springtime and the rain is good for the growing things that will be coming to life soon" She said "Yeah, I guess you're right" reluctant to give up her negativity.

Another lady I spoke with today mentioned the "awful weather" in our conversation; I said I did not mind it at all saying "besides, its good for the growing things". I suggested it was better to look at the bright side of things rather than complain and let things get under the skin and ruin ones whole day. And so it was all day long, with one exception, people everywhere complaining and bitching about the rain. But, amongst all the gloomy people, I was pleasantly surprised to see one person happy and at peace, totally accepting of "what is" and the need to venture out into it. She shone like a light to me, standing like a little sun amongst dark clouds to face the elements with good cheer and good humor. What a blessing to observe.

I have previously mentioned the dangers of resenting "what is" because resentment is the primary emotion that opens the portal of your mind to the infection of negativity and worse. Today I observed people polluting themselves, and world around them, with the negative emotion of resentment all because of a little water falling from the sky. How silly is that? But, how many see complaining and bitching about things like rain as a serious problem? Isn't it normal to complain and bitch about things like the rain, wet newspapers, and burnt toast? Isn't all just harmless venting?

The thing is that the negative emotion of resentment, the one emotion that is the root cause of all other negative things, from anxiety to war, is that it comes in many, many forms accepted as "normal". People haven't a clue that a seemingly ordinary thing like complaining about the weather, which is really putting up emotional resistance to "what is", and is a deadly emotional reaction that often leads to deadly consequences such as illness and violence.

From an objective point of view negative reaction is a great waste of energy even while it adds to the stockpile of collective, universal human negativity on the earth and adds to the accumulation of poisonous energy within your body and mind. Toxic emotions serve no useful purpose. So, in the interest of holding things to the light, let us take a look some of the many forms resentment can take. Perhaps if you can recognize any of these various forms of resentment as they arise in your mind, you will be able to quietly observe them there objectively, and so not indulge them and allowing them pass by your field of consciousness harmlessly. In this way you will be doing your part in not adding anymore negativity to your own body and mind, your personal living environment, and to the greater world in general.

The list is by no means complete, so feel free to email me any I've missed and I'll add them:

"Resentment: accuse, acrimony, aggravation, animosity, animus, annoyance, antagonism, antipathy, attack, aversion, begrudge, belittle, bellyache, bemoan, bewail, bitch, complain, criticize, cynicism, defy, demur, denounce, deplore, deprecate, differ, disagree, disapprobation, disapprove, dislike, displeasure, dissent, distemper, exacerbation, exasperation, fault, fret, fuss, grieve, gripe, groan, grouse, growl, grudge, grumble, hate, holler, huff, hurt, impatience, impute, indict, indignation, infuriation, irritability, irritation, lament, moan, nag, object, oppose, outrage, perturbation, petulance, protest, rage, rancor, rankling, refute, remonstrate, reproach, resent, resentment, scream, snivel, stew, storm, tantrum, temper, tiff, umbrage, umbrage, vexation, violence wail, whimper, whine, yammer, yell"

Rick Hurst
http://rickhur.blogspot.com

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http://EzineArticles.com/?Singing-in-the-Rain&id=1091165

The Most Destructive Negative Influence Of All

The Most Destructive Negative Influence Of All
By Joe Love

Anger is the most destructive force in relationships. It destroys your personal happiness. Anger not only takes your life out but it also takes the life out the person you are angry with as well.

There is rarely any redeeming value in anger. It is nearly always destructive because it drives other people away from you. When you're angry it lowers your self-esteem and it lowers the self esteem of the person you are angry with. Anger causes you to act foolishly because it distorts your vision. It's like driving through a rainstorm without windshield wipers.

In order to reduce anger, you first have to understand that anger is not a primary emotion rather it is a secondary emotion that is caused by one or a combination of three primary emotions:

1. Unresolved hurt.

2. Unresolved frustration.

3. Unresolved fear.

These three emotions in turn are caused by your own unfulfilled expectations. You expect that other people will do things such as give you respect, value and appreciation. So, when other people don't fulfill those expectations or they do something that runs contrary to your expectations it creates hurt, frustration or fear. In return if it's not dealt with right away or goes unresolved it results in anger which begins to build. You then end up expressing your anger like an explosive force or you bury it or hide it and keep it to yourself. Either way it is destructive

When you bury anger or keep it to yourself it begins to eat you alive inside. It creates bitterness and resentment. You begin to find yourself puling away from the person whom you're angry with.

On the other hand, if you blow-up and express your anger, then, you tend to say and do things that you'll later regret. You end up diminishing the value and worth of the other person which usually causes that person to pull out of the relationship.

If there's a lot of conflict in your life or you've got a lot conflict in relationships, it may not be the other person, it may be with you. It may be that you've got stored up anger inside of you that is unresolved. Then, when you get around other people it just expresses itself in ways that make other people want to get into fights or argue with you.

Here are seven steps that will help you remove unresolved anger from your own heart.

1. Write down what you're angry about. When you're angry your mind tends to blow things out of proportion. The act of writing out what you're angry about allows you to see things in their proper perspective. Define what you're angry about: What did the person do? What did it really take away from you?

2. Allow yourself time to understand your anger. By not reacting quickly and taking time it allows you to see things about the other person or relationship that have been positive. Giving yourself time to contemplate enables you to cope with unresolved hurt and anger.

3. Try to gain an understanding about the person your angry with. Find out and understand why they do things that anger or hurt you. The other person may not be doing it on purpose. It might be something that goes back to the person's childhood and they may think that what they're doing it normal. When you gain a clear understanding about the other person you will defuse your anger and take the sting out of your hurt.

4. Look for the good in the situation. Look for the good things in you, the other person and from the situation. One thing is forgiveness. This is one of the greatest attributes any person can have, you can't have forgiveness without having an offense committed against you. Since your mind can only hold one thought at a time, you cannot be angry and have forgiveness at the same time.

5. Write out a letter to the person you are angry with. Make the letter very personal and express your emotions as to how you were hurt and what you lost because of what the other person did. There's a tremendous release in doing this. All the negative feelings go out from your heart, through your hand, out to you pen and onto the paper. Think long and hard before you send it. Most of the time there is no need to send it, because the very act or writing the letter usually will release your anger and hurt.

6. Release the person you're angry with from past hurt or future expectations. It's your expectations that make it possible for others to offend you. So if you really want to be free of anger you have to learn to release people from your expectations.

7. When possible reach out to the person who had angered or hurt you in person. If you can do this, never do it with the hope of changing the other person, because that creates all new expectations. Rather, reach out to help the person change for their benefit, not yours.

Nature is on your side. Nature wants you to be happy, healthy, prosperous, and fulfilled. Your destiny is to experience joy, harmony, love, and the greatest of blessings, peace of mind. When you give up your negative emotions, learn to forgive and release others from future expectations, you will change your life.

Copyright©2008 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and success coaching programs. He is the founder and CEO of JLM & Associates, a consulting and training organization, specializing in career coach training. Through his seminars and lectures, Joe Love addresses thousands of men and women each year, including the executives and staffs of many businesses around the world, on the subjects of leadership, achievement, goals, strategic business planning, and marketing. Joe is the author of three books, Starting Your Own Business, Finding Your Purpose In Life, and The Guerrilla Marketing Workbook.

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Motivational Story - How To Control Your Anger and Hatred

Motivational Story - How To Control Your Anger and Hatred
By Suhardi Csd Hardi

One day, a young and pretty princess was playing with her golden ball. But the ball rolled over and drowned into a pool. He could not see the ball because the pool was quite deep and also she was not able to swim. She was so sad. Then suddenly a frog showed up and jumped in front of her. The frog asked, "Hi, pretty girl, why are you crying? What happens? Can I give help?" Then the princess sadly answered, "My golden ball has drowned into this pool, but I cannot take it back. Can you take it for me? If you can get my ball back, I promise to give whatever you desire because I am a princess, my father is an emperor."

The frog was excited because of knowing that she was a princess. Then the frog quickly said, "OK. My wish is very simple. I just want to stay in your palace and you have to treat me well. Do you agree with the deal?" She thought for a moment. She then nodded her head and told the frog, "OK. I agree." They finally made that agreement. The frog jumped and dived into the pool to find the ball and the princess was waiting for it. After several minutes, the frog emerged on the surface with the ball in its hand. The princess was so cheerful and thanked to the frog.

She then suddenly remembered what she had promised to the frog before. She should bring the frog home. Actually, she did not want the frog stayed in her palace. So she planned to run away immediately. She ran as fast as she can so the frog could not chase her. She thought that she had successfully cheated the frog. But how surprised she was when she saw the frog in front of the gate of the palace. She did not know how the frog could be there so fast. The frog said, "Do not forget your promise!" There was no choice for her except let it stayed in her palace.

The frog was so happy with the new life because it could eat delicious meal and could sleep in a soft and comfortable bed. The frog felt like a prince. But the princess disliked it so much. Her heart was full with hatred to remove the frog from her life. She scolded it many times. When the frog was eating, she angrily dropped the food on the floor. She growled and told the frog, "You did not deserve to eat the food and stayed in this place. Your place is in the pool." She was so fierce. She did not care about the agreement she promised. She wanted to break it. No days without her anger to the frog. Until one day, she was at the peak of her anger and hatred. She grabbed the frog and slammed it with full power to the floor.

And suddenly the frog magically turned into thick smoke and a very handsome and gallant prince stood in the middle of the smoke. The princess was both shocked and happy because he was so handsome. She was fascinated. She was in love at the first sight. The prince told her, "I am sorry because I lie to you. I am a prince of another kingdom. A cruel witch used her magic and turned me into a frog. But the magic has been lost because you threw me into the floor. Thanks a lot. Now I have to go back to my palace. Goodbye and take care." But the princess said, "Don't. Please do not go. I want you to stay here. I feel that I am in love with you now." Then the prince laughed and said, "No, princess. When I was a frog, I have known your real behavior. You are so fierce, your heart is full of hatred and anger, you have bad temperament and do not keep your promise. I do not like it so much. Goodbye." Then the prince walked out of her palace.

Message for readers:

According to Joe Girard, A person recognizes approximately 250 people. They can be his relatives, family, friends and other people. When you are angry with someone and hate them, you have hated other 250 people. Why? Because, if you hate and angry with one person, he will tell to other 250 people he knows. Think about this dangerous effect by just hating and being angry with one person. What if you do this to 10 persons? It means that you will spread your hatred and anger to about 2500 persons. They will know your bad behavior. They will talk from mouth to mouth and it surely creates snow-ball effect that will be bigger and bigger when it rolls. Otherwise, when a person knows that you are so kind, helpful and have positive yet good behavior, you have spread your good behavior to other 250 persons.

When you are angry, you indirectly create hostility to the person you are angry with. Nelson Mandela said that the hostility is like poison being drunk by someone and hope the death of his enemy because of the poison. Hatred and anger will endanger you and other people if you do not stop them. Do you know that when you smile, you just move about 13 muscles of your face, but when you are angry and frown, you have to move more than 110 muscles of your face.

Here is helpful tip that can stop or control your anger. When you get yourself in a situation that you cannot stop your anger or if you are about to deliver your anger to someone, immediately tell yourself, "If I am angry, I will make more 250 people angry with me." or "I will create more hostility with 250 people he knows. I will have bad image that can harm me back."

You can also smile with people you meet. It will make you happier. You will make more friendship with people around you. What a beautiful world if anger and hatred do not exist.

If you enjoy this article, find more excellent motivational articles and don't miss information at Daily Motivation

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